What if one of the conversations someone remembers most is one you barely remember having?

I’ve had a number of conversations recently with some incredibly talented, hardworking people about their careers. We talked about what they love about their work, what frustrates them, what makes them want to go above and beyond and, perhaps most interestingly, what makes them feel that what they do actually matters.

I expected some of the answers I heard – interesting work, great people, opportunities to learn and grow, being paid fairly, flexibility.

But one answer kept coming up in different ways, and it was much simpler.

Someone noticed and they said thank you.

Not the throwaway “thanks” at the end of an email, or the generic “great job, team” sent to 30 people at the end of a job. They remembered the moments when someone had taken the time to notice their contribution and tell them, specifically, why it mattered.

One person talked about receiving a message straight after a presentation saying, “Awesome work today. I really liked how you…” Another remembered someone picking up the phone simply to tell them they’d done a great job. While someone else talked about a leader noticing how much effort they’d been putting into something and saying, “I see how much you’re doing here. I really appreciate it.”

They were seemingly tiny conversations, but they weren’t tiny to the person receiving them.

And that’s what I’ve been thinking about.

This is because the person who sent that text probably moved straight on to their next meeting. The person who made that phone call may have barely remembered making it. The leader who stopped someone in the corridor to acknowledge what they were doing may have thought very little more about it.

But the person on the receiving end remembered, and sometimes for years.

I know this… because I have.

Across more than 30 years of my own career, I can still remember particular people, moments and words that made me feel seen and appreciated. Often they arrived when I was tired, doubting myself or wondering whether all the effort I was putting in was actually making any difference.

The person saying thank you couldn’t possibly have known what was going on inside my head that day. And perhaps that’s the point. We rarely know when someone needs to hear that what they’re doing matters.

We don’t know that they’re questioning whether they’re good enough or whether they’ve had a terrible week. We don’t know that they’re wondering whether anyone notices how hard they’re trying or that they may be considering leaving, pulling back or simply deciding not to put their hand up next time.

And then someone says:

∞    I noticed what you did.

∞    You did that really well.

∞    I appreciate you.

∞    Thank you.

Two words – maybe a five to ten second conversation or perhaps a 30-second text. And something changes within the recipient.

Now I’m not suggesting that a sincere thank you replaces fair remuneration, meaningful work, good leadership or genuine recognition. Of course it doesn’t – but it’s not either/or, it’s an and/also.

Despite this, in our search for sophisticated ways to motivate, recognise and retain people, I sometimes wonder whether we’ve underestimated one of the simplest human things we can do: notice someone’s contribution and make sure they know we have noticed.

And this isn’t just something leaders should do for their teams. The people who lead us, support us, teach us, care for us and quietly make our lives easier, also need to know their contribution matters.

Which brings me back to One Conversation Away.

We tend to imagine the conversations that change things are the big ones. The career conversation, the difficult conversation, one that opens a door or changes a decision. But perhaps we’re looking for something too dramatic. Sometimes the conversations that make a real difference aren’t the big ones. Sometimes, it’s simply the two words someone needed to hear that day.

And the fascinating thing is, you may never know what difference they made.

Given this, I’ll leave you with a couple of questions:

∞ Who has done something recently that you’ve noticed, appreciated or valued – but haven’t actually told them?

∞ And whose day, confidence or sense of contribution might be different if you did?

Because you never know which conversation will matter.

And sometimes, that conversation might be as simple as “thank you.”